Riches to Rags: Himmler's autobiographical graphic-novel "Mein Kampf in der Toilette" has finally hit the cyber shelves! Reserve your copy for download from the Cortex TODAY!
Auzdein von Himmler
The Man, The Myth, The Legend:
Accessing Alliance Cortex database for retrieval of personnel record for one:
"Auzdein von Himmler" Service Number: XXX-XX-XXXX
Partial Access Granted: Active Duty Operations Data With-held
A Childhood of Struggle, A Lifetime of War
Himmler grew up educationally privileged, yet led a youthful life of constant turmoil, setback, and betrayal, isolated within a fragmenting and violently controlling family.
Once he learned how to harness his raw emotions, his fire and talents combined to produce a remarkably determined and eclectic young man. The military amplified his dark sense of humor tenfold.
In his heavy Arnold accent: "Sure, I've banged countless women, mostly underage, and sure, I've killed a lot of people, but that's what makes me great! You only wish you had the knotches on your belt as Me. Sieg heil! Heil, Himmler!" with a clenched fist up on a shaking arm bent at the elbow in the air.
You Might Know Him As...
Readers and fans of his latest book, "Mein Kampf in der Toilette", in which Himmler is immortalized with the rapidly fame-gaining quote "Diamonds do not belong in toilets.", have said they recognize the young and rising star, Auzdein von Himmler, from previous works both published and unpublished.
According to their commentary, you might recognize the now infamous and eclectic, openly narcissistic Himmler by other names, such as:
The Bearing Monster
Nympho Necro Pyro Maniac Man
The Faceless Terror
Destroyer of Worlds
or: Hitler v2.0
Birth Name: Auzdein von Himmler
RP Status: Full time
Planet Of Birth: Argabuthon
Place(s) of Upbringing: Persephone
Height / Weight: 5’11”, 170 lbs. (at 1G)
Hair / Eyes: Brown (shoulder length, shaggy, slightly curly, goatee) / Brown
* gaze ranges from mellow and calming to sudden and penetrating
Ethnicity: German / Scottish / Polish / Italian / Apache / ?
Complexion: Caucasian, lightly-tanned, fair-skinned
* epidermis is smooth and unblemished, and does not reflect his thorough environmental extremes conditioning
Markings / Piercings: None / None
Scars / Prosthetics: lower right abdominal, right hand / None
Garb / Attire: wears casual worker’s / traveler’s clothes, such as cargo pants and pocketed jackets, but keeps his clothes neat and clean.
* Wears formal wear such as suits or tuxedos for special occasions
Astrological Signs: * New astrological signs have yet to be established for the newly colonized Verse; all the stars look different from here;
the old constellations of ETW don’t exist where he is.
Role Models: [Complete List]
Physique: Toned, moderately built
Occupation: None / Former Marine
Employer Location: Nomadic
Blood Type: O+
Call Signs / Code Names: Classified
Degrees: [Complete List]
3 dragons as sons with Daenerys Targaryen
1 human son with Alison R. Hart-Burnett
1 half-Eldar son with Shelwe
4.12 × 10^21 Inisfreean daughters
*considering having human and elf daughters
Himmler pilots a Firefly class 3, christened "Persephone" after his homeworld of upbringing.
"I like cancer-walks. It's the one place where you can punch someone in their ovaries. It might help. You never know."
"Oh how cute; a ballerina. Let's shoot her."
"Church you, man. Church you."
"I can't wait to church that girl. It's so churching awesome."
"She was churching my steeple."
"God damnit. I need a churching so much."
"Dude. Last night I churched for like hours."
"I can't wait to sit on her Mohammad."
"Her Jesus was so loose. It was like flying the space shuttle through the Universe."
"And then I just slid it into her Bible."
"We finally St.Peter'ed."
"That chick can give some awesome synagogue."
"Can't wait to go to church. I'm gonna worship EVERYTHING."
"So there she was, balls deep in my ass."
"I got ovaries-deep in that shit."
"Dude. Did you hear about Jesus's narrow urethra?"
"You know I appreciate that Jesus was sacrificed on the cross; it gives me good beat-off material."
"Don't be a church."
"There's a very special bond between a father and son; one that gets very sticky and wet."
"God fucked up; he should have put boobs on chicks' ass-cheeks."
"Did you know that the first part of Titanic is tit?"
"Boyyy, howdy. I'm down in Texas and can't wait to fuck me a cousin."
"I wonder if God gives rim-jobs."
"I wonder how big God's balls are."
"Have you ever been jacked off by a starfish?"
"So is a blowfish made out of cocaine?"
"Why are you laughing so hard? You get some rectal punishment?"
"I have bat ears. I can hear my mom shitting on another planet right now."
"Your titties make me horny, and that is why I like you."
"Did you masturbate to the sex noises of me raping your mom?"
"Each time I stare at people from outside their window, I like to wear a mask. That way, it's anonymous, so we can both enjoy it."
"Hey, you wanna go back to my place and fuck? Oh, sorry. You looked like my mom for a second."
"I'm sorry. I'm too busy staring at your tits to come up with something clever to say."
"I'm so lost in your eyes. I want you to get lost in my pants."
"You have a beautiful smile. How'd you like to put it on my dick?"
"You have the most beautiful eyes in the world. Can I fuck your nostril?"
"What about balls deep in baby's ass?"
"So this stripper sits on my face, and I’m thinking wow….this is the perfect opportunity…..so I bit her meat curtains clean off. The one time I enjoyed a bloody vagina."
"Have you licked cum out of a dead baby’s ass?"
"I wanna have a 3-some with Jesus and God. Make it a 4-some and throw in the Holy Spirit. Like doing the square-push-up, but with sex."
"My favorite romantic comedies are Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Schindler's List."
"That would be a good way to teach someone not to have a gag reflex; as soon as they're born, you shove your cock in their mouth."
"You can't spell rapture without rape."
2490-2503: 1-13: with a rich grandfather and a successful politician for a father, Auzdein attends the finest schools money can buy.
2504: 14 years old, begins pre-officer training while in all advanced courses in high school, aces all courses.
Gains the ability to speak basic Latin, Spanish, and Chinese.
Becomes a gifted artist, singer (church and school choirs), writer, poet, and composer (his mother teaches him sheet music).
2505: 15, attends military boot camp field trips to other states, takes piloting lessons, attends martial arts dojos and sporting competitions.
2506: 16, takes early command of a battalion of students in pre-officer training due to a school change and command vacancy.
2507: 17, attends a 1-month senior-year sight-seeing class trip to a nearby moon, graduates a year early from high school,
already taking college level courses, holds dozens of awards from all clubs.
2508: 18, attends a prestigious university and officer training corps, learns more about high society at formal social functions, takes
engineering, business, and more leadership courses. Completes all general studies and state mandated college level credit-hours.
2509: 19, feels compelled to join the Alliance due to the Core planets’ media presentation of the situation, enlists in the Alliance.
With his prior schooling and military training, he scores 1 point under perfect on the entry exams, and enters at the E-3 pay-grade, and is thereby eligible for BRC and SSS after processing and Boot Camp.
First quarter of the year (13 weeks long): Boot Camp and Boot Leave: 14 weeks. Earns CWS 1.
MCMAP Tan Belt is earned as a Boot Camp graduation requirement.
2nd quarter: ITB/SOI (includes 0311, 0331, 0341, 0351, and 0352 training) and Recon Indoctrination: 8 weeks, BRC begins.
Begins completing Marine Corps Institute (MCI) courses.
3rd quarter: BRC ends at: 8 weeks, Basic Airborne School: 3 weeks, Combat Dive School begins (including Dive Supervisor).
4th quarter: Combat Dive School ends at: 22 weeks.
2510: 20, completes Alliance Marine Corps training through to Reconnaissance level, remains on active duty, continues into advanced courses.
Q1: SERE School: 3 weeks, Static Line and Military Free Fall (MFF) School (including HALO/HO): 4 weeks, Ranger School: 8 weeks.
Q2: Pathfinder School: 2 weeks, Helicopter Rope Suspension Training (HRST) (including SPIE): 2 weeks, LAR V Technician: 2 weeks,Ammunition Driver Course: 2 weeks, Scout Sniper (S/S) School (or SSS) begins.
Earns the Gray and Green Belts during downtime and evenings after classes. Promoted to Corporal.
Q3: S/S School (including Urban) ends at: 8 weeks, Mountain Leadership Course: 6 weeks, M/LASER Operators Course: 2 weeks.
Q4: Courses: CQB: 2 weeks, Explosive Breacher (including Applied): 2 weeks, Inter-Operability training with the Maritime Special Purpose Force (MSPF): 2 weeks, ODST: 4 weeks (10 jumps), HET: 3 weeks, goes on Leave.
2511: 21, participates in 2 combat deployments, completing over 100 missions covering tens of thousands of miles over land and sea, and sees
many more cities, states, nations, and 2 new worlds.
Q1: Returns from leave, deploys into combat off-world. 1st combat deployment (including travel time): 6 months.
Q2: While on 1st deployment: Earns the Green Belt Tan Tab. Gains the ability to speak basic Arabic.
Q3: Returns from 1st deployment, goes on leave. Re-ramp-up training with Recon unit: 2 months.
Earns the Brown Belt.
Q4: 2nd combat deployment off-world: Earns Brown Belt Tan Tab, and is promoted to Sergeant in the field. Scarred in battle.
Gains the ability to speak basic Japanese.
Rich grandfather dies during the war. His fortune mysteriously vanishes.
2512: 22, returns from 2nd combat deployment, having now spent the middle 2 years of his 4 year enlistment out to war,
and as the war draws to a close he instructs tens of thousands of troops from many worlds who come to his large base to train.
Q1: 2nd combat deployment ends, repaired aboard-ship in a military medical facility while en-route to base on home planet.
Q2: Recovers from major surgery, attends military physical therapy, goes on delayed post-deployment Leave.
Q3: Serves as an Instructor for final 6 months of his enlistment. Gains the ability to speak basic German.
Q4: While Instructing at a Core world Urban Warfare Training Center (UWTC): Earns the Black Belt, cross-trains with Blackwater.
serves as an Instructor-Instructor for final month of his contract. Has no tattoos or piercings, but tries alcohol and the party scene heavily yet briefly.
2513: 23, exits the military and holds temp.-jobs while returning to college, gets into Le Parkour, Crossfit, Yoga, and resumes his hobbies.
Earns grants and scholarships, meets many more captains of industry, high ranking officers, and executives through his father’s connections. Now having attended many events throughout his adolescent life with Mayors, Governors, Lords, Dukes, Directors, CEOs, Senators, Congressmen, Admirals, Generals, foreign dignitaries, and Ambassadors, and having worked at the bottom of the totem pole on the front lines with the most desperate, violent, and ruthless people known to humankind, he is forged as a universally understanding, ruthless leader. The one problem? He falls out with his family due to his military service, effectively losing all the connections he enjoyed through them.
2514: 24, attempts to start his own company, begins combining decades of on-the-side inventions and other designs into a city plan.
Purchases his own kit over the course of this year, and takes to wild game hunting and range shooting every so often.
2515: 25, continues to double up on his collegiate studies with online and correspondence courses, burying himself in his work.
2516: 26, graduates early with a double Bachelor’s in Information Technologies and Aerospace Engineering, but what he has seen and learned
begins to catch up with him, and he loses focus and drive.
2517: 27 years old, roaming the Verse and feeling listless and truly lost, the burnt-out warrior doesn’t know what to do with himself anymore.
His plans and hobbies all fall to the wayside. He tucks away his remaining possessions and buys a random ticket back out into the Black.
"Peace is our profession. Mass murder is just a hobby."
Herr Auzdein von Schäfer
Ein) Inisfree, Neuschwabenland, Antarctis, Erde, Amun-Ra,
von Orion, Milchig Weg Milchstraße
Himmler's POVs Stowed on TNH:
Warning: Extremely Dark Anti-religious Humor
This character has EXTREMELY dark humor, sick jokes, and THE most controversial and unsolicited commentary you are likely to ever encounter. His bark is worse than his bite, though, so take it all with a grain of salt.